HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TERRI!!!!

Here's irony for ya... Gabs has a sister born on Thanksgiving, I have a sister born on Thanksgiving, too! Terri and I went out for dinner together, just the two of us. It was really nice being able to catch up with her. Guess what? We're actually able to carry on an intelligent conversation now without saying "You're stoopid!" every ten minutes. Terri, have a great 16th!

Here I sit... waiting for a darn E-book from Amazon. Why in the world, you ask, am I be purchasing an E-book??? I need to read this darn book called Embedded Autonomy by Peter Evans for Soc 5. I'm not a cheap person, I really DID intend to buy this book. I even tried to go get the book last Thursday. But the funniest thing happened... both Neds and the ASUC Bookstore are already restocking for next semester!!!! I'm so late that I can't even purchase any more books for this semester! I figured they'd probably be done by today. Ha! I went in there looking like a loser cuz the lady said, "Honey, most the other students have already bought all their books this semester. We're not selling any more books!"

I left Gabs drooling over Jake in Rhetoric 20 early so that I could go to the Berkeley Public Library to check out the book. I ended up with some dsylexic librarian *literally* who couldn't help me if her life depended on it. Disheartened, I left the library empty-handed. I thought I could just cheat the system and call up my friend and ask her to summarize the book for me. Let me tell you... it sucks having a conscience... I just couldn't do it. I just HAD to read the book for myself. I'm getting desperate... I have to turn in a page-long paper of what I thought about the book. One-page, no biggie... but I just feel like I NEED to read the book. I finally broke down and just bought the sucker via E-book. (I hate having to read things on-line... it hurts my eyes!) So now I sit here waiting for the file to be e-mailed to me. Paper due in 7.5 hours and counting...

I thought by coming to Berkeley I'd eventually break out of the Schurr circle... not that there's anything wrong with Schurr guys, they're actually probably some of the most gentlemen-like guys I've ever met. But I was just hoping that Cal would offer me some variety; show me something different. But it seems like the harder I try, the more I find myself confined to the Schurr circle... it looks like it's back to Square One for me...

It's funny how people try to make themselves look better by putting others down... the Napolean Complex... lately, I've been subjected to it so much that I know it all too well. Politics is such a dirty game. Innocent, naive people get hurt in the process... and that hurts the most. It's not so much me that I'm worried about... I'm already hardened by the whole ordeal. It hurts my heart to see other people get pummeled and steamrolled by this nasty game. I applaud those that search deep in their hearts and do things out of sheer love. I think the world would be a much better place then. Don't accuse people of doing good. Mr. Big Blue Dog, you, sir, are a DICK!!!

SO HAPPY...

So silly happy right now... it's not even cuz of a guy (Gabs!)... I was done with homework by 10pm tonight. Literally done with EVERYTHING, with nothing left to do whatsoever... it's a wonderful feeling! BTW, Rent tomorrow!!!! Yay!

RE-POST... GHETTO-STYLE

Friday night
Went drinking wit da presidents, know what I'm sayin'?... no, seriously, went to a bar n' shit... didn't get carded n' shit. Yet, also didn't drink n' shit. Sat there wit my Strawberry Daiquiri, virgin n' shit. Hey, at least I peeped bomb diggity.


Saturday night
Took Kevin's hooptie out fo' a joy ride, know what I'm sayin'? Got lost rollin' in SF, couldn't find my way to Fishermen's Wharf if my life depended on that shiznit... quite sad n' shit. However, da night wuz saved wit a nice dinner at Bubba Gumps n' shit. Da conference ended on a bomb diggity high note. Couldn't ax fo' a on point way to conclude da conference n' shit. Came crib, wuz extremely tired, but managed to pull myself togizzle to make a cameo at Caleb's swim party wit Caroline, know what I'm sayin'? Guess who I seen? Kris n' shit... along wit tha dude's track boys n' shit. Track boys be hilarious, know what I'm sayin'? Didn't stay lizzong at da party n' shit... need sleep n' shit.


Sunday morning (afternoon)
Didn't wake up til 2pm today, know what I'm sayin'? Am fully caught up wit loss of sleep from da past week. However, horribly behind in homework n' shit...

WEEKEND OF CRAZINESS

Friday night
Went drinking with the presidents... no, seriously, went to a bar... didn't get carded. Yet, also didn't drink. Sat there with my Strawberry Daiquiri, virgin. Hey, at least I looked cool.

Saturday night
Took Kevin's car out for a joy ride. Got lost driving in SF, couldn't find my way to Fishermen's Wharf if my life depended on it... quite sad. However, the night was saved with a nice dinner at Bubba Gumps. The conference ended on a wonderfully high note. Couldn't ask for a better way to conclude the conference. Came home, was extremely tired, but managed to pull myself together to make a cameo at Caleb's swim party with Caroline. Guess who I saw? Kris... along with his track boys. Track boys are hilarious. Didn't stay long at the party... need sleep.

Sunday morning (afternoon)
Didn't wake up til 2pm today. Am fully caught up with loss of sleep from the past week. However, horribly behind in homework...

CELL PHONES SUCK

Last night I tried to get to sleep early. All the roomies were like, "What? Already? It's only 11." Yeah, I tried going to bed at 11, that's how badly I needed sleep. Sadly, it was to no avail... Was woken up in the middle of the night. Phone call from Kris. He was feeling horrible about everything and so we were on the phone for over half an hour, just doing damage control. *sigh* Some people are so STUPID... and that is why Kris and I were on the phone trying to figure out the best way to counter the situation. But no worries... everything is fine now.

Just when I thought I was in the clear and my head could finally rest on my pillow, Zairel's cell starts beeping out of control. Quite funny, she thought it was my phone and I thought it was her phone. It turned out to be a text message... haha, 1 text message that beeped as if 20 were being sent!!!!

After the beeping, I just couldn't fall back asleep. Kept thinking about how I haven't been the best person lately. Haven't really been there for any of my friends, haven't been able to think or do anything else but my own shit. And I keep telling myself that everything will be fine after Monday. But will it really? I'm sure some other deadline is bound to come along that'll keep me busy beyond belief. I don't believe that I'm really living. My revelation this summer was that there's more to life than just deadlines.... but unfortunately it looks like I haven't been able to live up to my new epiphany.

Don't exactly know when I fell asleep last night, or if I REALLY fell asleep at all... but was awoken this morning by a phone call from Arizona State's president. Was a reminder to myself that my conference has started. And how this conference plays itself out, be it good or bad, is a reflection of my work from the past 2 months. It's been a crazy, restless week... with no end in sight.

LET THIS WEEK BE OVER

I'm tired. I'm overworked. I'm fatigued. I get very little sleep. My health is deteriorating. My grades are suffering. I work WAAAAY too many hours for it to be all voluntary work. I'm a student, not an employee. I can't deal with anymore. I have a 15-page paper due that I haven't even started yet. Don't know when the hell I'm going to write it. Can't even stop to see Kristen and her Aunt Mimi this weekend. Can't even have dinner with Kristopher and his mom tomorrow night. What am I doing with my life? No wonder people see me as a big prudish girl...

HA! TAKE THAT!

After my midnight session with Fi-Comm the other night, I couldn't help but smile all the way home from school today. Reason why? See for yourself. The fee waiver that Mr. Gabriel boldly pleaded in front of the Senate for over an hour was because of me. Probably in a sick, twisted, and revengeful way, I'm *happy* to hear that the senators had to sit through a whole freakin' hour's worth of debate to finally end up passing my bill. Don't ya love the bureaucracy... perhaps the slowest form of efficiency vehicle. Last night's victory can't give me back those stolen 2 hours, but it does even the playing field, just a little bit...

CRAP!

I have lost 2 hours of my life that I CAN NEVER get back! Sat in Fi-Comm meeting for the longest freakin' time just waiting for them to make a decision about whether or not OP can use our OWN money to pay for dinner at the conference that I'm hosting. I wasn't even in there asking for any money from the contingency fund and 2 senators still shot down the request. Fortunately, the bill was passed, and an unhappy Jamie trudges through the streets of Berkeley back to the apt. at 1:30am... and now I must get reacquainted with something called schoolwork. Don't think I've had much time for that lately. I think I'm most productive at home... home in LA... how I wish I were home in LA...

WEEKEND HOME

To all my best buds back home that I couldn't hang out with... I'm so sorry. My weekend was spent engaged in all my Rhetoric 122 books. (Yes, all 15 of them!) Midterm today... SOOOOO happy that it's over with. Either I kicked its butt, or it kicked mine. I really can't tell with rhetoric classes anymore. I don't even know how my writing style stands in relation to the class. I've realized that I have a hard time conveying my thoughts onto paper. But then again, I have a hard time conveying my thoughts verbally, too. You'd think that 4 years of speech would've changed that... but it hasn't. Either way, it's all over with... unfortunately at the expense of not being able to see any of my friends this weekend!!!!

I'm not really complaining though. My time at home was nicely spent with my family. I've forgotten what great stuff we have at home. Quilted toilet paper is so amazingly soft!!!! And the fridge is always stocked with good food and drinks. (Hooray for Cream Saver Pudding, ice cream sandwiches, chimichangas, and Ruby Red Grapefruit juice!) My parents also finally decided to get cable TV. My dad ended up splurging and getting digital... we now get MTV on 6 different channels... 24 hours a day, 7 days a week of music videos... I watched a lot of TV. (NOT a good thing.) I also figured out who my cutie's girlfriend is... some chick with a horrible attitude! (Jessica, don't mess with me. I can beat down your @$$ in 2 seconds, flat.) Also watched my cutie's basketball game. He was leading scorer again... with TWO bad shoulders!!!! He got stepped on while playing flag football for Macy. Poor baby, some big fat kid landed on him. I also got to hang out a lot with my parents. (Most people might think this is a bad thing, but I sure don't.) Saturday night, both Terri and Jerry didn't wanna go get Chinese food, so it was just my parents and me. Totally awesome food... we all ate soo much that we came home and fell into a food coma. (I had 3 bowls of hot and sour soup and 2 bowls of rice. Yes... I know I eat a lot.) Jerry and I wrestled a lot, too. Unfortunately, he's become too buff that I can't beat him anymore. Terri and I gossiped – yes, about BOYS! All in all, quite a fun weekend.

Checking in at the airports was a different story. As Gabs puts it, I was literally "stripped searched." I can never make it through the metal detectors without the darn thing beeping. They made me take off my jacket, my shoes, and my belt (plus random accessories). Then the female security guard had to pat me down. At LAX, the lady checking my purse went through all my pictures and even commented about what a beautiful looking family I have. LOL, random. I don't really mind though, it's nice to know that they're being so thorough with checking people. Hmm... I guess I'm categorized under "suspicious".

Now, I'm back at Berkeley. Quite relieved that the midterm is over... even played some pool with Brian tonight. Played at that place right at the corner where we always wait for the bus. I used to just see people playing inside while waiting for the bus, but today I finally got to see how the inside looked like. Not bad... it's a pretty cool place to hang out. Mr. Bouncer man at the door wouldn't believe that my ID was real. (I actually look younger than 18?!)

Scorecard
Jamie vs. Rhetoric 122: still pending
Jamie vs. Brian: 1-1 (and counting...)

F*@%ING BAD DAY!

Still completely sleep deprived and overburdened with more work than one girl can handle, I also played exterminator to Haste #101 today. Freakin' ants infested our kitchen last night and I spent a whole hour hosing down the ants and then mopping off ant carcass. Needless to say, I ended up being late to class due to apt. emergency. *sigh* Was late half an hour to Rhetoric 122. Professor Jackson told me that she'd have to count my tardy as an absence. What?! My attendance grade is now a whole letter grade lower and considering that it's worth 25% of my final grade, this is NOT a good thing... hence a very pissed off Jamie. Damn Upper-div-small-lecture-no discussion classes!!!!!!!! I'm barely struggling to keep afloat in the class. I don't need to have attendance bringing my grade down! Sat through class still fuming about the damn ants and the crapload of responsibilites that are tied with living on your own in apartments. A little help would be nice sometimes...

But what woke me up from my sleep this morning was a very important phone call missed, and a stubbed toe while trying to answer the phone. It seriously sucks being bound to the phone. It seems that every phone call that I get recently has been business related. Today, the events coordinator from Bubba Gump's called me. (Exciting stuff... we will wine and dine all the presidents at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co!) Unfortunately, we have a stupid phone in the bedroom that rings but you can't use it cuz there's no dial-tone. Zairel has unplugged it cuz it's just bothersome to have it ring and not be able to use it. But this also means that I can't hear when the phone rings. By the time I was fully conscious enough to hear the living room phone, Bubba Gump's man had already hung up. Normally, missed phone call, no big deal. However, this dude only carries around a pager. Who in the 21st century still has a pager?! I've been waiting for this guy to call me all week, only to miss him by a big-toe of a second. (Damn toe had to kick the coffee table!!!!!) And so the wait continues for him to call...

My only shed of light is that I'm finally back home, in LA. That and the fact that I got tomato juice on the flight home, complemented with Mama Ghet's famous white chocolate and cranberry cookies. (They're to die for, honestly.) Home... I can escape from the madness that is school for at least a couple of days. Although, when you really think about it, it's not escape. I still have about a gazillion phone calls to make for the presidents' conference first thing tomorrow morning. (My parents were really proud of me for hosting something of this grandeur. Haven't really heard them say that they were proud of me in quite a long time.) Let me tell you... it's the worst thing trying to take care of all your business via cell phone. Being someone who has issues with trusting other people to do my tasks, I NEED to see what's being done, and if it's done CORRECTLY. I feel like I'm just blind right now... it's an uneasy feeling for me to trust other people to do things. Wanna hear what's really sick? (Haha, "sick" as in bad, not "sick" is in good. Strange Nor Cal people!) I had to set up a conference call with an editor from New York Times. A conference call?! What am I? 40?!?!?! (Oh wait... I'm 19 going on 41. Gabs is 40.) It's way too trippy. Sometimes, I think my brain forgets that I'm also a student and I DO need to schedule in some school time. Cuz a conference call usually suggests businesswoman... and I'm not ready to be on the cover of Forbes quite yet. Either way, on top of the conference, I still have my Rhetoric 122 midterm on Tuesday. The focus on the test: EVERYTHING. Professor Jackson basically said, "Review all the plays we've read and all the chapters we went over in the textbook." Uhhh... is there anything that WON'T be covered on the test?! Wednesday, 15-page Soc paper is due. Thursday is the Poli Sci midterm. Geez... instead of enjoying myself this weekend, it's more like a study session at home. At least I'll get a decent meal and I won't have to worry about ants....

REASONS WHY LACK OF SLEEP IS BAD FOR ME:

1) Went to go sit on my bed last night to catch my breath... ended up passing out for the whole night.

2) Didn't even say goodnight to the roomies. Sorry roomies, didn't mean to be rude.

3) Slept in awkward position at the head of the bed. Awoke with horrible shooting pains in back and hips.

4) Missed 8am discussion cuz I neglected to set my alarm clock...

REASONS WHY RHETORIC 20 IS AN INTERESTING CLASS:

1) The Smurf dressed up and gave an odd lecture about his neighbor's car getting stolen. *random*

2) Fievel grew a goatee... not bad.

3) Sean finally decides to show up to lecture... the first time since the first day of class. Reason for going to class: to pick up his midterm. But instead of staying for the WHOLE class period, decides to take a 15 minute Top Dog break... geez, what a good student!

4) Man reeking of alcohol wanders into class and causes huge commotion. The Smurf even stopped speaking to watch him. I swear he was gonna punch someone. Was contemplating about how I would throw Sean at him until Scott and Professor Clover ushered him out.

5) My worst midterm garnered me the best grade I have received at Berkeley thus far. (There's irony for ya!)

TOTALLY BLOG-WORTHY

cprjUGHead: im just a big fat cry baby

GUESS WHERE WE WENT FOR DINNER... AGAIN

I said I was gonna study all weekend... because I have WAY too much to do before I go home for Veteran's Day weekend. *sigh* Alas, I have done nothing. Such a UN-productive day!!!! We DID go to Jupiter for dinner... again. Such the PERFECT date place. ("I have practiced for this moment... cutting my salad and eating pizza with a knife and fork.") No people (guy) - watching tonight... we sat way out in the middle of nowhere. The only saving grace: food was good! We even had a Caesar salad this time!

On the way back from dinner, Caroline scared the bejeezus outta Gabs and me! Who knew enclosed bus stops would echo so much?! Gabs and I both thought we had heard something, like a creepy whisper that hissed, "QUIET!" But since nobody else reacted, we both kinda thought we had imagined it. Caroline harped on our moment of weakness and decided to scare us beyond belief by whispering Gabby's name from behind us. Gabs jumped up and took me with her and we both screamed like crazy. Not fun.

By the way, random breaking news: Ruben sings along with 'N Sync... Ruben is 'N Sync...

CROSSROADS

I think I may have become a hardened, horrible person. Have I really become a "politician"? Is it SO unbelievable to think that I might do things out of the goodness of my heart? Cuz I do!!! I deal with enough suspicion at work... I don't need it at home, too. I'm a good person... or at least, I'd like to think that I am. No ulterior motives. What you see is what you get, and I'm just a girl who cares. Either way, perhaps what I refuse to see serves best as a wake-up call. I don't want to be a fucking politician, and I never want to be one!!!!

Ever been bothered by an itch that you can't scratch? Can't reach? It's the worst thing ever. The itching just eats at you until you can't take it anymore. What makes it worse is that the more you ignore it, the more it itches...

Well, minus the itch, that's how I've been feeling lately. Each night, around this time, I get this very irritated and annoyed feeling. I can't exactly pinpoint what is behind all this frustration, which becomes even MORE frustrating. There's just all these emotions running through me – emptiness, loneliness, tiredness, stress, hunger. Lately, I think my work has been getting me really down. I LOVE doing things that benefit a lot of people, but I haven't really gotten the feeling that my work has had that impact. Who the heck do I benefit? A select few within the ASUC, if that... What makes things worse is that leaders here don't even take any responsibility whatsoever when I need them to, or expect them to. Since when did leaders become so undependable? All this political crap has made me rethink my decision to be a Political Science major. It doesn't interest me all that much anymore. Political theory?! Can't stand it! International relations? Can't deal with it!

Anyway, that's only two of the things that have been bothering me recently. I can't really describe it, but I just have such an unsettling feeling that I always hope my nightly showers will wash away my troubles. But it never does, my problems are still there... staring right back in my face. Yet for some reason, I can't exactly grasp what the problems actually are. I just know that I need to fix them... whatever they are...