There have been a lot of things that have been really frustrating lately... All I can say is that I'm REALLY glad I'm a teacher. It's nice to know there's hope for the future.

1. I'm so sick of people telling me that South Central is "such a dangerous place to be." Instead of finding out for themselves, they avoid all of South LA completely. Get over it. It's not that bad. If my students can walk to and from school everyday by themselves, it's.not.that.bad. Stop telling me that I work in the "ghetto". Stop telling me to watch my back. Stop dissing on the area. Cuz you know what? I love it. I LOVE it. I walk around on Compton Ave. I drive my kids home. Yes, I'm careful. But in all honesty, I've never felt threatened. Ever.

2. I absolutely hate that people make so many damn generalizations about South LA. Case in point, the Tookie Williams case. First of all, if you don't know, you're ignorant. Secondly, if you are happy with the outcome, you're ignorant. I cannot believe all the people running their mouth about the issue when they live in the f.cking suburbs. You don't even know the half of it. You obviously don't even know what people in LA (and I mean real LA, not f.cking "OC") think about the murder. Yes, I called it a murder. Our pig-brained Terminator of a governor, in my opinion, used Tookie Williams as an example. With one crushing blow, he asserted his dominance and showed all Californians that he could do whatever he wanted and still get away with it... cuz, after all, he's in power. F.cking bastard. You wanna know why people have been referring to Tookie Williams as a martyr? It's cuz that's what people in LA REALLY think. If you don't believe me, ask around for yourself.

3. The death penalty. If my 6th graders can get this concept, the whole f.cking world should be able to. Forget the whole eye-for-an-eye bullsh.t This isn't Hammurabi's Code. This is the f.cking 21st century. Killing a murderer does not miraculously bring back all the people that he has killed. And no, it doesn't make things right. Keep the wrongdoer in jail for life. Trust me, it's a worse punishment than death. Yes, certain people probably do not deserve to live. Serial killers. Terrorists. Rapists. But, nothing justifies killing. (Don't use the "self-defense" argument on me. In that case, it's protection, not killing.)

4. Something that pisses me off to the nth degree: teachers that don't believe in their students. I have smart kids. Yes, my LAUSD kids ARE SMART. Dare I say it... but I KNOW my kids are smarter than most rich ass snobs. For one, my kids have heart. When they talk about changing the world, it's not some "beauty queen" answer about "making the world a better place." They talk about real issues. Cuz they're living it. My 6th graders KNOW about politics... at least more than most college graduates I know. My 6th graders can do a better job running the government than George W. Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger put together. I know who I'm voting for in the future - my students.

5. Backtracking a little... let's review the word "ghetto." I've yet to hear the word uttered from the mouths of my students... you know, the people that actually live there. Which means, the ONLY people using that word are people that don't live there. Hmm... maybe people should stop talking sh.t??? Oh yeah, one last thing: Montebello is NOT the ghetto. Please refrain from using the word. You don't sound cool using it.

6. And last, but not least... "OCers", stop pretending you're from LA. You just make real LA people sound bad. Really... just stick to your little bubble of a world because LA would eat you alive. San Diego, you're also NOT LA.

Teaching on only half an hour of sleep is like hell on earth. I hope I never have to do it ever again.

Damn, I'm tired. It's a good tired... but still TIRED. I gotta stop hanging out with people in their mid-thirties. All they ever ask is when I'm going to get married and have kids.

Get over it. I'm 22. And no, I don't have kids.

This is what I want for Christmas! An ESPN Shot Blocker Basketball! How awesome. With play-by-play commentary by Dick Vitale. SWEEEEEET!

On my day off...

I'm writing a ridiculously bad paper. Don't blame me though... blame my dumb professor who couldn't even explain to us what the assignment was supposed to be about... or offer any suggestions on what we could write about. So I'm just going to write about how stupid the system is in labeling ESL students from ELD students. (All my LAUSD teachers that know about High Point or Language! feel me on this one.)

My mind is still running on delirium. I feel so sick and tired. I hope my kids aren't terrorizing the sub. They were so mad that I wouldn't be with them today. I vaguely remember them trying to give me a group hug on my way out the door after dropping off my lesson plans. Yeah, I don't remember much when my days start at 5am.

On again. Off again. On again. Off again. On again.

Last week was insanely tiring. I wanted to gouge my eyes out and keel over on Monday. MONDAY! It's really not a good thing when you're running on empty on a Monday... considering that there's still Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I promised my kids I would never do it, but I'm finding that I NEED to. I'm taking a day off tomorrow! (Woohoo!) I need a day to de-stress. I need a day devoted to ME. Plus, there's not much I can do if I'm confined to my bed... except send text messages and type away at my laptop.

I know as a teacher, I'm not supposed to play favorites... but I have an ABSOLUTE favorite student. Ismael is a student that I've struggled with from the very beginning. He's definitely a leader in every aspect, yet chooses to act like a clown in class. But after a serious talk with him last week and being sent to the Counselor's office, he's finally shaping up. Lately, I catch him taking notes in my class and paying close attention to every single thing I say.

Ismael is the most adorable boy you'll ever meet. He's got a smile to die for. Last Thursday, when I took him home after school, I remember looking over at him sitting in my passenger seat and he just gave me the biggest smile in the entire world. With his feet dangling off the seat, I couldn't help but flash him a big smile in return.

Ismael's been staying after school with me to be tutored. All the tutoring seems to be paying off. I am SOOO proud of him. Considering that this is a student that once scored a 14% on his test with the previous teacher, I'm thrilled to say that he's now a B average student and jumped 28 points from the last test he took.

My goodness, I have SMART kids!

P.S. My class average is a 79%!

That was supposed to be MY dream. When's it going to be my turn?

Hahaha, I have turned my students into AVID Laker fans!!!! They watch the games because they know if the Lakers win, I will be in a good mood the next day. However, if the Lakers lose, they must be on their best behavior. Kind of harsh to have everything lie on the skills (or rather, lack thereof) of the Lakers, I know... but my students do everything possible to see me smile. One little girl even brought me a rose because she knew I would be "sad". THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!

Sometimes they drive me nuts, but I think it's because I expect so much from them. They are, after all, only 12 years old...

It's strange. Yesterday, I remember I couldn't wait for the weekend to begin. But this morning, I woke up at 8am and felt really lonely. There is no school and I miss my kids! :( Man, what a nerd.

Good and/or bad days seem meaningless without the ones you love.

*sigh* Working AND going to school full time is the worst! I missed out on 3 hours of paid development time (translation = sitting around and eating District paid food) to finish writing a f.cking take-home midterm! Why didn't I do my sh.t earlier? Warning: bad habits linger around post-college life.

ERICK'S 23RD BIRTHDAY


The luckiest birthday boy


Celebrating at CPK


Schurr girls

As basketball preseason gets under way, I just HAVE to comment about the upcoming Laker season. Call it optimism, but I'm extremely excited about the homecoming of the Zen Master. The Laker offense looks amazing. Yes, I know there are kinks, but it's reassuring to see that Slava Medvedenko and Devean George have been revived from the dead. After a disappointing season for the both of them (seeing nearly no playing time whatsoever) it's nice to finally see the old-school Lakers playing at their potential. As much as I hated on the Triangle Offense, I'm finally starting to understand the perks of it. Plus, I'm comforted by the fact that it's executed by the man that started it all, Phil Jackson. Since he's been back, the Lakers have been playing much more aggressively. All in all, I'm excited about the season and can't wait to see what's in store. Now all we gotta do is work on transition defense.


The Lakers getting it done...


(He's good... and good-looking.)

New faces Smush Parker...


... and Von Wafer


And of course what Laker entry would be complete without mentioning my man, Kobe? Just remember Warrior fans: the Lakers are STILL the number one team in California. (Just a friendly reminder.)

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

Everything makes so much sense all of a sudden! I wish people would just tell it like it is instead of trying to give a bunch of pretty euphemisms. It just wastes time.

Died and went to Dodger heaven tonight. Pictures to come explaining why... so fucking amazing.

VEGAS

A month late, I know... but I finally got another USB Cradle for my digital camera to upload all my pictures. Elaine's crazy 21st birthday bash was pretty much a month long celebration, anyway. (I think we're still celebrating on occasional weekends.)

Veags was great! The trip got off to a great start when the birthday gal sweet-talked her way into getting us upgraded. This was our room in Caesar's Palace:




Our bathroom


The best part of our room was watching TV while...


...sitting in the jacuzzi!!!! (The picture is a bit risque, I know.)


A view of the Bellagio water show from our bedroom window.


Girls on the prowl for meat... as in steak. :)

Looking back to my experiences this summer, I feel as if I've aged about 10 years within a span of 2 months. It's been trying times here in LA. I can't believe that it's only been a short couple of months prior that I was still living my days as a wreckless, crazy college student. Gone are the days of innocence...

Here are some of my favorite pictures of my students. I deliberately chose the ones where they actually look like they're paying attention... if only they were ALWAYS this well-behaved!

Listen up, Miss I'm-Super-Conservative: Malibu AIN'T LA. I teach in LA Unified. I don't teach rich snobs. So think before you tell me how to do my job. By the way, why would you f.cking choose to go to UC Berkeley when you obviously don't appreciate the history of Berkeley? Take all your dumb Republican friends and just vacate. You don't deserve any of what you have.

P.S. You have a STUPID name.

F.ck. Back in limbo. My life is neither here nor there. Chasing after something that can never be mine.

True confession: I'm smitten with Jayson Werth.

GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO

I now understand the meaning of growing up. As I stand on the brink of new beginnings, I'm learning that adult relationships are more complicated than I ever imagined. Things are never going to be as simple as the most sophomoric I-don't-like-you-let's-break-up scenario. No, now everything is built around these huge LIFE choices. And it's just a shame that oftentimes, our choices are determined by career goals. We choose to stay. We choose to go. We go where the wind (and opportunities) take us. But along the way, do we factor in the people we must leave behind? And if so, how much? I've come to the conclusion that it really doesn't matter how great of a connection is shared. Love really doesn't conquer all. None of that matters anymore if two people can't see themselves physically in the same place for the next 5 years... or even for the next 10 years... there simply is no future. It's not about thinking with your heart anymore. It's about practicalities and calculated risks.

I used to believe in fairy tale endings. As unrealistic as they seemed, I always thought I could be the exception. Now I know better; they simply don't exist.

I absolutely hate that it's waaay past my bedtime and I'm still awake. I hate that I have to be up in less than 4 hours... on a Saturday morning. I hate that I can't fall asleep because there's too much running through my mind. I hate that I never have the answers to life's questions. I hate my phone. Oh yeah, and I hate that Carlos Beltran isn't going to be playing in Sunday's game. Nobody knows how long I've waited to see him play in person. :(

I think nostalgia is sinking in right about now. I'm three days away from finishing Institute at not-so-great Long Beach State. (I used to love this place for it's Lincoln-Douglas Debate on the Grassy Knoll. Not so much anymore.) Even though my summer school kids at Henry Clay Middle School have been tremendous and touched my heart in many different ways, I can't deny that my heart still lies with my kids up at Berkeley. Care sent me pictures today from King Middle School's 8th grade graduation. It warmed my heart so much to see the kids with their bright smiling faces. *sigh* I can't even describe the feeling.

I realize that I'm just missing the Bay and everything that it stands for much more than I expected. This is too difficult...

Nothing makes sense. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've never been so sure and unsure of something at the same time. Say something. Anything. The worst part is... it probably ended before it even began. And now we'll never know.

MY FIRST TEACHER BREAKDOWN...

... no, my students didn't make me cry. It's only been Day 2, and I love them already! Yes, they're chatty. Yes, they've got attitude. Yes, sometimes, they even act up. But for the most part, they respect me and have learned to put up with me as their new teacher.

My frustrations lately haven't been with the kids, but rather the people I'm supposed to depend on most. We are having all sorts of creative differences. But, supposedly, I'm the one that's not in tune with them. Excuse me for not thinking like a stuffy high school English teacher. Excuse me for thinking outside the box and utilizing interactive games to get my Special Ed class to learn. Excuse me for standing up for what I believe in, even if that makes me "difficult to work with."

Let me do it my way. Don't make me teach like YOU.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL

... and thus begins my adulthood life... a 6th English and Social Studies teacher at Charles Drew Middle School in Watts. I reside in lime green Room 25. Over at the camp, it's been a tiring week of events at LMU... to say the least. It's been an overwhelming process. Of course, what was I supposed to expect in trying to match personalities with 200+ other people? I've met people from all sides of the spectrum. It's been interesting. The reason why people first joined the program speaks volumes to the type of person they are. I think I lucked out with the friends that I've made here, but I could never replace the ones that I've made at Berkeley. Despite being a LA Girl for life, I find myself dreadfully missing the Bay.

I'm tired and hungry... with too much pent up tension.

SPECIAL GABBY AND JAMIE ALBUM

GRADUATION

I'm still recovering from all the graduation celebrations held this past weekend. It's surreal knowing that I'm one of Berkeley's newest batch of alums. Here are some of my favorite pictures to document the weekend.


Russell B grads!








The Poli Sci Group! (Sadness... we're missing Paul!)




My sister!


Adam, me, Chris, and Mike


Ben and me


Schurrites






I LOVE my Kris!!!!


My CalSERVE family!


My other DC buddy

*** That's all, folks! ***

PATHETIC...

...is me. As one of the most prestigious awards given at the end of each year, The University Medal honors UC Berkeley's most distinguished graduating senior. This year, they chose to recognize five finalists. What are the chances of me being extremely good friends with TWO of the five?! Dare I even claim one of them to be a long-time high school friend! (She went to a rival school.)

I used to think the the people who got these awards were those nameless smart people that sat in the front of every class/lecture and sucked up to the professors. But actually knowing who these people are makes the medal more of a tangible reality. I feel like the world is telling me today, "You could've had your chance... but too bad, SUCKER!"

Reading their bios today really got me thinking... WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE THESE PAST FOUR YEARS??? I started out just like them. I was headed on the right track. Hell, I was even a supervisor to one of them for a whole freakin' year! But somewhere along the way, our paths diverged and now I'm left graduating like a damn nobody with a useless diploma that won't even get me a job. All I can say is... what a humbling experience. I'm not all that great. In fact, I haven't done anything with my life at all.

Knocking my head against the wall cuz private school kids just don't get it.

STILES MEMORIES

Yesterday, I did NOTHING to boost my academic GPA. Instead of writing my paper, the Stiles mentors celebrated the culmination of a wonderful year working together. Hahaha, ironically, none of our kids were invited to the party... you'll see why.


Me with some of the kids I work with. Why am I the shortest?!


Ugonna carrying Chelsea during our "Safeway run". *hint hint*


Jonathan, Ed, Justin, and Michalle




Pablo popping off the cork.


Fancy champagne with plastic goblets!


The party's just getting started!

***There were many more pictures taken... unfortunately, due to "future political endeavors," those pictures will be exposed at a later date for blackmail purposes only.***


Pooped!

En route to Giants/Nationals Game.


Am in LOVE with SBC Park!





Don't worry... I'm still a DODGERS fan. :)