Saturday, May 31, 2003
Damn the Reddys. Not only did they take an AXE to Gabbo and Caroline's dresser (Story here), their wretched upkeep of their properties force me to inhale paint chips. Yes, when normal people eat FOOD, we eat paint chips. Mind you, we don't do it by choice. Their shoddy paint job chips at a mere graze. I can't believe we have to clean this place up or face not getting our deposit back. This place is already the dumps. They're gonna think that we trashed the place when in actuality, this is how it was.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
SELLING ME OR THE COUCH?
So the funniest story I've heard in awhile... my friend Eric Chen, who goes to Occidental informed me about the couch that my roommates are selling. Apparently his friend, Karen, who goes to Berkeley, saw our posting on Craigslist and told him, whom then told me. Hmm... I wonder how they knew it was me??? Anybody need a couch?
Only $70!!!! Now only $65!!!!
So the funniest story I've heard in awhile... my friend Eric Chen, who goes to Occidental informed me about the couch that my roommates are selling. Apparently his friend, Karen, who goes to Berkeley, saw our posting on Craigslist and told him, whom then told me. Hmm... I wonder how they knew it was me??? Anybody need a couch?
Finals are long gone and done with, but I'm still learning...
It's funny how things change – one minute you think you're on top of the world, and the next, you're swimming in a dark abyss of nothingness. I learned a lot about myself today. For the first time, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. But I guess it's part of growing up, and I've got a lot of that to do. I learned that it's okay that I don't always have all the answers. The pain's still there, but it's making me stronger...
It's funny how things change – one minute you think you're on top of the world, and the next, you're swimming in a dark abyss of nothingness. I learned a lot about myself today. For the first time, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. But I guess it's part of growing up, and I've got a lot of that to do. I learned that it's okay that I don't always have all the answers. The pain's still there, but it's making me stronger...
Monday, May 26, 2003
I'm done with school, but yet the pressure is far from over. We're still homeless. My future is uncertain. And I want to go home. I wish I could take on a more "screw everything" mentality. But this is me and that's just not possible. I'm being selfish and I can't think about anything else but going home. But I can't go home until I have a "home" here. And even if I do go to my real home in LA, I won't be able to be there long because of some stupid @$$ internship that I honestly am not excited about. It's not Barbara Lee that disinterests me, cuz I think she's one cool lady, it's just the thought of DC. Everybody always says, "You'll be having the time of your life," or "You're moving on to bigger and better things." Big whoop. I'm a homely girl. I need to go home. I haven't seen my family in WAY too long! After the stupid DC internship, I gotta immediately come back to some hell hole here at Berkeley and prepare for next year.
No Vegas vacation for me. No trip to Mammoth with Kris and her family. No basketball with my brother for hours on end. No all night Super Smash Bros. marathons with my siblings. No midnight run to J&S for breakfast burritos. No movies with 4 hot boys (Jerry, Jeff, Jared and Randall). No secret rendezvous to get Albertson's chicken or Subways for lunch when my mother tells us to make P&J sandwiches. No cheering for my brother at all his basketball/baseball/volleyball games. And no invigorating young minds to prepare them for college.
Yeah yeah... summer in DC. Personally, I think this summer might suck...
No Vegas vacation for me. No trip to Mammoth with Kris and her family. No basketball with my brother for hours on end. No all night Super Smash Bros. marathons with my siblings. No midnight run to J&S for breakfast burritos. No movies with 4 hot boys (Jerry, Jeff, Jared and Randall). No secret rendezvous to get Albertson's chicken or Subways for lunch when my mother tells us to make P&J sandwiches. No cheering for my brother at all his basketball/baseball/volleyball games. And no invigorating young minds to prepare them for college.
Yeah yeah... summer in DC. Personally, I think this summer might suck...
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
F*CK. For a girl that was once Miss Optimism, I'm really hating on a lot of things right now.
I'm hating the fact that...
...I have to write this paper that I know nothing about
...my paper is worth 40% of my grade
...I have until 3 pm tomorrow to turn it in
...I'm staring at a blank word doc
...I ever took this class
...Brady gave us this assignment
...people are out having fun right now without me
...all the other UC people aren't dealing with finals right now
...that I'm still homeless for next year
...my UCLA friends are barely dealing with housing issues, damn sheltered people living in the middle of Westwood
...I spread myself so thin that there's never any time for anything else
...my family and friends have been secondary to my work
...issues from the past still aren't resolved
...the ASUC elections have taken such a toll on my life
...my grades have gone from crap to crappier
...I'm hating so much when what I really hate is myself
I'm hating the fact that...
...I have to write this paper that I know nothing about
...my paper is worth 40% of my grade
...I have until 3 pm tomorrow to turn it in
...I'm staring at a blank word doc
...I ever took this class
...Brady gave us this assignment
...people are out having fun right now without me
...all the other UC people aren't dealing with finals right now
...that I'm still homeless for next year
...my UCLA friends are barely dealing with housing issues, damn sheltered people living in the middle of Westwood
...I spread myself so thin that there's never any time for anything else
...my family and friends have been secondary to my work
...issues from the past still aren't resolved
...the ASUC elections have taken such a toll on my life
...my grades have gone from crap to crappier
...I'm hating so much when what I really hate is myself
FINALS WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME
Disclaimer: This entry is not intended to sound R-rated. I was simply trying to document a very low point to my day.
I really shouldn't be complaining, considering that I have just one paper left, and then I'm done. Maybe my stress isn't with finals, but with everything else that is going on in my life. Either way, I finally take my much-needed shower today. Don't ask how long I've gone without showering... I think my stench was beginning to permeate all the way to Caroline's desk in the bedroom.
Anyway, so the shower... I take a fairly long one, cuz, hey, I needed it. I was practically done and drying off when all of a sudden, I felt all light-headed. My first reaction was "Oh shoot... I'm gonna black out here in the bathroom, hit my head on the faucet, splice open my head and be sent to the emergency room... all while I'm still naked."
I somehow managed to garner up enough strength to make it to the bedroom, and that is where I ended up passing out... yes, still naked. I think I was passed out for over 10 minutes before I finally came to. I still feel very queasy right now and as weak as ever. And with that said, now wiill somebody please write my paper???
Disclaimer: This entry is not intended to sound R-rated. I was simply trying to document a very low point to my day.
I really shouldn't be complaining, considering that I have just one paper left, and then I'm done. Maybe my stress isn't with finals, but with everything else that is going on in my life. Either way, I finally take my much-needed shower today. Don't ask how long I've gone without showering... I think my stench was beginning to permeate all the way to Caroline's desk in the bedroom.
Anyway, so the shower... I take a fairly long one, cuz, hey, I needed it. I was practically done and drying off when all of a sudden, I felt all light-headed. My first reaction was "Oh shoot... I'm gonna black out here in the bathroom, hit my head on the faucet, splice open my head and be sent to the emergency room... all while I'm still naked."
I somehow managed to garner up enough strength to make it to the bedroom, and that is where I ended up passing out... yes, still naked. I think I was passed out for over 10 minutes before I finally came to. I still feel very queasy right now and as weak as ever. And with that said, now wiill somebody please write my paper???
Sunday, May 18, 2003
Aaron's right... I SHOULD have a little bit more faith...
In a strange turn of events, Gabbo and I will be working RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER this summer!!!! How great is that?! Apparently Hilda and Barbara must be best friends, or the worst enemies, because their offices are right next to each other. And their respective interns, Gabbo and me, will whistle all the way to work each morning, hand in hand. Haha, maybe not... but you get the picture. 1724 and 1725 Longsworth House Office... that's the place to be.
In a strange turn of events, Gabbo and I will be working RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER this summer!!!! How great is that?! Apparently Hilda and Barbara must be best friends, or the worst enemies, because their offices are right next to each other. And their respective interns, Gabbo and me, will whistle all the way to work each morning, hand in hand. Haha, maybe not... but you get the picture. 1724 and 1725 Longsworth House Office... that's the place to be.
Friday, May 16, 2003
Inspired by a conversation at 2:27am:
Hurdler4life04: i need to help you???
Hurdler4life04: you've never needed anyone's help
Huh... is that how people see me? An ice queen? That's exactly the image I don't want to portray. I guess being independent has its drawbacks. I don't mean to dominate in every arena, but I guess my perception of confidence is often mistaken for dominance. Though I don't plan on compromising my values anytime soon, I know I need to find some kind of balance so as to not scare or push people away. It seems like the more I know, the more imperfect I become... thanks for royally screwing with my head.
Hurdler4life04: i need to help you???
Hurdler4life04: you've never needed anyone's help
Huh... is that how people see me? An ice queen? That's exactly the image I don't want to portray. I guess being independent has its drawbacks. I don't mean to dominate in every arena, but I guess my perception of confidence is often mistaken for dominance. Though I don't plan on compromising my values anytime soon, I know I need to find some kind of balance so as to not scare or push people away. It seems like the more I know, the more imperfect I become... thanks for royally screwing with my head.
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Sometimes it's great being stupid...
It turns out I have an extra day to finish my 25-page paper. Technically, it's not an extra day granted to me. The extra day was there all along, I'm just too stupid to realize when my deadline is. For some reason, I kept thinking that my final was Thursday instead of Friday. And since my paper is due on the day of the final, I seriously thought my paper was due in 9 hours. *sigh* It's great knowing that I have until Friday, considering that I'm only at 10 pages. I guess this gives me another 24 hours to goof off before I start freaking out again. Wow... what a vicious cycle.
It turns out I have an extra day to finish my 25-page paper. Technically, it's not an extra day granted to me. The extra day was there all along, I'm just too stupid to realize when my deadline is. For some reason, I kept thinking that my final was Thursday instead of Friday. And since my paper is due on the day of the final, I seriously thought my paper was due in 9 hours. *sigh* It's great knowing that I have until Friday, considering that I'm only at 10 pages. I guess this gives me another 24 hours to goof off before I start freaking out again. Wow... what a vicious cycle.
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
Update: I have an internship. *yay* But still no housing... though place across Dog and Cat Hospital is looking pretty darn good. Now to add to the problems: my position in office is threatened because I might not be progressive enough? There is no pleasing ANYBODY! If I'm on the edge, this is why.
There have been quite a few things weighing heavily on my heart. In order to not worry my parents, I haven't told them all my troubles, the biggest one being housing. It's much easier to be brave for someone else than for yourself. But I think I'm close to breaking... actually, on several occasions, I've actually been there. On top of everything, my grades aren't looking too great this year. Life's a bunch of trade-offs. The ASUC presidency or grades? No internship or no money? Lakers or the Kings? Hahha, just kidding. That's an easy one... LAKERS! Now if they'd only give me a win to cheer me up...
There have been quite a few things weighing heavily on my heart. In order to not worry my parents, I haven't told them all my troubles, the biggest one being housing. It's much easier to be brave for someone else than for yourself. But I think I'm close to breaking... actually, on several occasions, I've actually been there. On top of everything, my grades aren't looking too great this year. Life's a bunch of trade-offs. The ASUC presidency or grades? No internship or no money? Lakers or the Kings? Hahha, just kidding. That's an easy one... LAKERS! Now if they'd only give me a win to cheer me up...
Wow. Just realizing how often I sweat the little things. It's one of my greatest attributes, as well as my greatest fault. I guess I just aspire to live in this perfect little bubble, and when things don't always go my way, it's as if the bubble pops and I'm left tasting the bitterness of reality. Reminder: Jamie, face the world... as scary as it might seem.
I have faith that things always work out in the end. I WILL find an internship. I WILL find an apartment. I WILL be okay.
I have faith that things always work out in the end. I WILL find an internship. I WILL find an apartment. I WILL be okay.
Sunday, May 11, 2003
Thursday, May 08, 2003
Partisan politics suck. I'm finally back from the Marathon Senate meeting, which went for over 24 hours.... STRAIGHT! As tired and beat-up as I feel right now, I'm sure the senators feel 10 times worse. On top of being tired and hungry, the last senate meeting of the year always leaves people feeling so dejected and run-down, with tensions running high and emotions running wild. With a deficit of over $100,000, it was exceptionally difficult to balance a budget. As always, the Recruitment and Retention groups got jacked of their money. Sadly, the more I learn, the more racism I see. Maybe I've been blind for the past 20 years. Or perhaps I just refused to take off my blind-fold. But now I see.
I now also know for sure that I put the right person in office. Kris announced that he would take a cut in his office in order for other student organizations to get more funding, despite the serious financial crisis that the Association is in. The Office of the President has exactly $9.000 to play with for the whole year... not much money, but I think we can still make a lot of good changes by making the campus a more politically-minded and academically challenging environment.
Overall, much props to all the senators that stuck it through. And a even bigger round of applause to all the student groups that stayed the whole night to fight on behalf of their organization. It never ceases to amaze me to see the level of passion that Cal students have in fighting for a cause. And tonight... I sleep.
I now also know for sure that I put the right person in office. Kris announced that he would take a cut in his office in order for other student organizations to get more funding, despite the serious financial crisis that the Association is in. The Office of the President has exactly $9.000 to play with for the whole year... not much money, but I think we can still make a lot of good changes by making the campus a more politically-minded and academically challenging environment.
Overall, much props to all the senators that stuck it through. And a even bigger round of applause to all the student groups that stayed the whole night to fight on behalf of their organization. It never ceases to amaze me to see the level of passion that Cal students have in fighting for a cause. And tonight... I sleep.
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Last night, my two-year journey came to a halt. And today, I embark on a new adventure. Two years in the making, and I have finally put the rightful man in office. In a LANDSLIDE, Kris defeated Daniel by close to 1300 votes. But this entry isn't about Kris. This entry is about all the people that I've neglected throughout this process. And at the risk of sounding like a acceptance speech at the Grammys, I NEED to thank quite a few people.
First off, my roomies. Gabbo... you're the reason why I followed my heart in the first place. And yes, Kris does owe you BIG. Women of Haste... thank you for putting up with me this year and allowing me to turn our apartment into a freakin' campaign headquarters. Sorry for bringing random people over to our place at all hours of the day. Thanks for all the support and guidance and frustration that I put you all through. Thanks for slapping some sense into me when I'm dead on the bed and can no longer move. Thanks for putting up with my dirtiness, even when I smell like a mixture of sweat and sunblock after a long day of campaigning. (And yes, Zairel, next time I do laundry, you CAN jump on the clean pile.)
To my other Kris: Kristen. I'm sorry for neglecting you for the past couple of months. You're still my best friend, and I still miss flipping your hair. Thanks for giving up everything and coming out to visit me that one weekend. I really needed you.
To Teresa: my popular and famous former roommate... I never got to thank you for being so understanding of my ways last year. You were supportive and motherly and you fed me!!! You're wonderful, and I miss you like crazy!!!!
Thank you, Aaron, for always reminding me just how close the race was gonna be. And though it used to drive me crazy, I now thank you. You pushed me to work even harder. And through all the tears and frustrations, I thank you for standing by me.
Ben: I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder this whole year. I'm sorry that every time I call you, it's cuz I need a favor. You mean a lot to me and I'm just glad that time isn't my enemy anymore and that I'll be able to visit you more often. (If you want me to... just make sure you don't doggy-pile on me. I'm weak now.)
To Brett, Caleb, Patrick, Hector, Gustavo, Mike, Paolo and Camille: My inspirations throughout campaigning. Just when I thought that I couldn't take it anymore, you guys were there cheering me on. Thanks for always stopping by at the CalSERVE base to see how I was doing. And for the times that you were out campaigning, your dedication drove me to work even harder.
And lastly, the CalSERVE family... though there were times when the "collective-decision making" would drive me crazy, I DID believe. It's gonna be a wild year. But I'm ready...
How Kris SLAUGHTERED Daniel
First off, my roomies. Gabbo... you're the reason why I followed my heart in the first place. And yes, Kris does owe you BIG. Women of Haste... thank you for putting up with me this year and allowing me to turn our apartment into a freakin' campaign headquarters. Sorry for bringing random people over to our place at all hours of the day. Thanks for all the support and guidance and frustration that I put you all through. Thanks for slapping some sense into me when I'm dead on the bed and can no longer move. Thanks for putting up with my dirtiness, even when I smell like a mixture of sweat and sunblock after a long day of campaigning. (And yes, Zairel, next time I do laundry, you CAN jump on the clean pile.)
To my other Kris: Kristen. I'm sorry for neglecting you for the past couple of months. You're still my best friend, and I still miss flipping your hair. Thanks for giving up everything and coming out to visit me that one weekend. I really needed you.
To Teresa: my popular and famous former roommate... I never got to thank you for being so understanding of my ways last year. You were supportive and motherly and you fed me!!! You're wonderful, and I miss you like crazy!!!!
Thank you, Aaron, for always reminding me just how close the race was gonna be. And though it used to drive me crazy, I now thank you. You pushed me to work even harder. And through all the tears and frustrations, I thank you for standing by me.
Ben: I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder this whole year. I'm sorry that every time I call you, it's cuz I need a favor. You mean a lot to me and I'm just glad that time isn't my enemy anymore and that I'll be able to visit you more often. (If you want me to... just make sure you don't doggy-pile on me. I'm weak now.)
To Brett, Caleb, Patrick, Hector, Gustavo, Mike, Paolo and Camille: My inspirations throughout campaigning. Just when I thought that I couldn't take it anymore, you guys were there cheering me on. Thanks for always stopping by at the CalSERVE base to see how I was doing. And for the times that you were out campaigning, your dedication drove me to work even harder.
And lastly, the CalSERVE family... though there were times when the "collective-decision making" would drive me crazy, I DID believe. It's gonna be a wild year. But I'm ready...
How Kris SLAUGHTERED Daniel
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