3 BATTLES AND THE WAR IS YET TO COME

This week has been incredibly long... productive, but long. It started with all my Pac 10/UC Presidents' Conference packets. Then yesterday was my Rhetoric 20 midterm. It was so horrible that I wanted to cry midway into the test. (I actually started crying before I even saw the test. But that's a different story. IT WAS GABBY'S FAULT! She started talking about smurfs again and I choked on my own saliva, couldn't breath and started tearing like crazy. Thanks a lot, Gabs!) Anyway, so we were *supposed* to get our reading notes back for the midterm. Okay, granted I only did two weeks' worth, but why did hot GSI man have to lose MY notes?! I felt so frazzled about the lack of notes that I think I was stunned for the first half of the test. Then when I finally regained consciousness, I was stunned again by the difficulty of the test! *sigh* I think I may have to seriously rethink my decision about majoring in Rhetoric.

Anyway, Battle #3 was my CITC application that was due today. I didn't get a chance to start it until around 8:30 last night. Caroline said she needed to pull an all-nighter and wanted coffee, so I figured, "Heck, why not pull an all-nighter with her?" SUCH A HORRIBLE MISTAKE! My body CANNOT do all-nighters anymore. High school, it was no bigger, I was pulling all-nighters all the time. But no more... I only did one all last year and so I guess my body isn't used to it anymore. Or maybe my body just can't deal with coffee. All I had was a cafe mocha... nothing major, not like it was a quad espresso or anything. Around 4:30am, my body started acting up and I ached all over. My stomach hurt, my head hurt... everything hurt! That was when I said, "No more, I'm going to bed!" I couldn't exactly function this morning until around 11am. Even then, I still woke up with his horrible, pounding headache. If I ever get a hangover, I'm sure that's how it would feel like. (Can one even get a hangover from coffee?! Damn lightweight!) Anyway, Zairel pulled an all-nighter with Caroline and me. (Maybe I should stop calling it an all-nighter, cuz the only person who actually made it til morning was Caroline. Props to Caroline, who is currently knocked out on the couch.) Anyway, back to the point... I finally finished my application. Don't exactly know what to expect, so looks like I'm just gonna have to wait til Monday to find out.

In the midst of all my battles and sleepless nights, I managed to have two big revelations...

Revelation 1
Being here at Cal, I don't question anybody's intelligence. I'm sure everybody has some sort of extraordinary quality to have made it here. The thought of this kinda scares me. I don't exactly know where I stand in relation to everybody else. Not that I need to compare myself to justify the work that I do, but I would like to know how I match up to other people. In high school, it was small enough so that you knew exactly where you stood. (And if you didn't, you'd know when they ranked you by those darn GPAs!) You knew exactly who was more capable than you and who your biggest competitors were. All in good friendly competition, of course... like the gamers, who were always up for a good challenge. But now here at Cal, you REALLY just don't know. I've done quite a bit in terms of campus politics. But I'm sure there are thousands of people who have done 10 times more than I could ever do. It's true about what they say, "The sky's the limit." I'm sure I pass by the most amazing people everyday while walking down Sproul, but I could never really know unless I sat down with someone and really got to know that person. Kinda puts everything into perspective and keeps you humble and grounded, because there's always someone better than you.

Revelation 2
Riding the bus everyday, I meet some really interesting people. Today, I think I may have met the most deformed person I've ever seen in my life. Still feeling sleepy when I boarded the 51, I plopped myself down towards the front of the bus. By the time I finally decided to look to my left and right, I realized that I had sat right next to a person that was clearly deformed due to some sort of accident. At first, I couldn't even make out if the person was a male or female and I was actually kinda scared. She (her name is Debbie, as I later found out) had only one eye. Her right eye was closed up with loose skin that seemed to have healed incorrectly. Her face was scarred and very rough. But she had a good heart. She made me feel very welcomed just sitting next to her. She struck up a conversation with me and asked me if I was a Cal student and how I liked school. I couldn't exactly bring myself to ask about what had happened to her. But I'm almost positive that she wasn't always like that. I'm sure at some point in her life, she was very beautiful. But at the same time, it makes me so thankful of the face my parents gave me. I may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but I'm happy with the way I am. I've got two eyes, two ears, a nose (even if it is crooked) and a mouth. What more could I ask for? I've got no horrible, life-threatening disease... so life is good. I couldn't ask for anything more. Thanks Debbie.