Nothing makes sense. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've never been so sure and unsure of something at the same time. Say something. Anything. The worst part is... it probably ended before it even began. And now we'll never know.

MY FIRST TEACHER BREAKDOWN...

... no, my students didn't make me cry. It's only been Day 2, and I love them already! Yes, they're chatty. Yes, they've got attitude. Yes, sometimes, they even act up. But for the most part, they respect me and have learned to put up with me as their new teacher.

My frustrations lately haven't been with the kids, but rather the people I'm supposed to depend on most. We are having all sorts of creative differences. But, supposedly, I'm the one that's not in tune with them. Excuse me for not thinking like a stuffy high school English teacher. Excuse me for thinking outside the box and utilizing interactive games to get my Special Ed class to learn. Excuse me for standing up for what I believe in, even if that makes me "difficult to work with."

Let me do it my way. Don't make me teach like YOU.

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL

... and thus begins my adulthood life... a 6th English and Social Studies teacher at Charles Drew Middle School in Watts. I reside in lime green Room 25. Over at the camp, it's been a tiring week of events at LMU... to say the least. It's been an overwhelming process. Of course, what was I supposed to expect in trying to match personalities with 200+ other people? I've met people from all sides of the spectrum. It's been interesting. The reason why people first joined the program speaks volumes to the type of person they are. I think I lucked out with the friends that I've made here, but I could never replace the ones that I've made at Berkeley. Despite being a LA Girl for life, I find myself dreadfully missing the Bay.

I'm tired and hungry... with too much pent up tension.

SPECIAL GABBY AND JAMIE ALBUM

GRADUATION

I'm still recovering from all the graduation celebrations held this past weekend. It's surreal knowing that I'm one of Berkeley's newest batch of alums. Here are some of my favorite pictures to document the weekend.


Russell B grads!








The Poli Sci Group! (Sadness... we're missing Paul!)




My sister!


Adam, me, Chris, and Mike


Ben and me


Schurrites






I LOVE my Kris!!!!


My CalSERVE family!


My other DC buddy

*** That's all, folks! ***

PATHETIC...

...is me. As one of the most prestigious awards given at the end of each year, The University Medal honors UC Berkeley's most distinguished graduating senior. This year, they chose to recognize five finalists. What are the chances of me being extremely good friends with TWO of the five?! Dare I even claim one of them to be a long-time high school friend! (She went to a rival school.)

I used to think the the people who got these awards were those nameless smart people that sat in the front of every class/lecture and sucked up to the professors. But actually knowing who these people are makes the medal more of a tangible reality. I feel like the world is telling me today, "You could've had your chance... but too bad, SUCKER!"

Reading their bios today really got me thinking... WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE THESE PAST FOUR YEARS??? I started out just like them. I was headed on the right track. Hell, I was even a supervisor to one of them for a whole freakin' year! But somewhere along the way, our paths diverged and now I'm left graduating like a damn nobody with a useless diploma that won't even get me a job. All I can say is... what a humbling experience. I'm not all that great. In fact, I haven't done anything with my life at all.

Knocking my head against the wall cuz private school kids just don't get it.

STILES MEMORIES

Yesterday, I did NOTHING to boost my academic GPA. Instead of writing my paper, the Stiles mentors celebrated the culmination of a wonderful year working together. Hahaha, ironically, none of our kids were invited to the party... you'll see why.


Me with some of the kids I work with. Why am I the shortest?!


Ugonna carrying Chelsea during our "Safeway run". *hint hint*


Jonathan, Ed, Justin, and Michalle




Pablo popping off the cork.


Fancy champagne with plastic goblets!


The party's just getting started!

***There were many more pictures taken... unfortunately, due to "future political endeavors," those pictures will be exposed at a later date for blackmail purposes only.***


Pooped!

En route to Giants/Nationals Game.


Am in LOVE with SBC Park!





Don't worry... I'm still a DODGERS fan. :)

SISTERLY LOVE

I don't know when it all happened... and I certainly hate admitting to it... but somewhere between high school and college, my little sister became smarter than me!!! I can't believe what an amazing and strong young woman she's become. I constantly learn new things from her through the conversations we share. She's the one giving ME advice now! I can't even begin to express how proud I am of her and all that she's overcome in her first year of college. I know it's not easy being my sister, especially with all the trials and tribulations that I put her through. But Terri, you're passing with flying colors!

My one fun of the weekend... enjoying the sun, burgers and good company at the Stiles BBQ. :)

This sucks sooo much! I'm a graduating senior... and I'm home on a Saturday night! Doing what? Writing my f.cking thesis on pubic hair. Yes. Pubic hair. This night is a bust.

SNOWBALL EFFECT

My expiration date here at Cal is approximately less than 2 months away. Yet these last couple of weeks have been one wild roller coaster ride. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up. I'm down. Occasionally, there's a corkscrew. When did my life become more complicated than a soap opera?

... OF COURSE

I feel like I'm caught in a bad reoccuring nightmare. You are worse than a boomerbang. The farther I throw you, the quicker you come back! You'd think we would get tired of playing games after four years. But no, they just get worse. We are the epitome of a love/hate relationship. Don't do stupid things to make me jealous. We just end up hurting each other. Who else would you walk a mile for in the middle of the night? You know you care about me... much more than you'd like to admit. Stop with the silly facades. It's not about who has the upper-hand anymore. Don't ask me to travel across the country to visit you if you're not serious about us.

Ugh. I hate when people hype themselves up to look like heroes. True saints never talk about their good deeds. But their good deeds never go unnoticed.

OVER

It's hard to believe that everything is all coming to an end. I've given this institution four wonderful years of myself. I have done everything I ever set my heart out to do. I even dragged my sister into the whole mess.

It's hard to find the words to express how I feel. But I think what I'm getting at is that THIS is the end of a chapter in my life. I have to move on... tackle new challenges. I recognize that there are new things that I must improve on. Now I finally have the time. I'm not the same overly-ambitious kid that's out to conquer everything in her path. It's high-time I finally fine-tuned all the loose bolts.

Same story, verse 2....

Why are there expiration dates? Aidan and Big confuse me like none other, but I really wanted to believe that this Carrie would somehow end up with Aidan. I never expected any of this to happen. I was perfectly content with the way things were going. Then one crazy shot in the dark, and all my plans are now ruined. It's always bittersweet leaving Berkeley...

It's been two days and I've yet to have a craving for food. I think the last REAL meal I had was Saturday night. These last couple of days, I've been so sick and passed out on my death bed to even think about food. I've really been living off of saltine crackers, soup and blue Gatorade. It's very unorthodox for me to go for so long without food. Get this, even steak has no appeal to me!!!! What is going on with my body???

LET'S GO HIKING...

Caroline and I decided to get out today... since was the weather was a SORCHING 58 degrees. (Hey, in the Bay Area, that's pretty warm!) We explored around Lake Anza up at Tilden Park.











Since it rained last night, the ground was VERY muddy! We basically sloshed around and had a nice mud bath!

I always thought that Jupiter would be the perfect place for a date... now I know for sure.