This sucks sooo much! I'm a graduating senior... and I'm home on a Saturday night! Doing what? Writing my f.cking thesis on pubic hair. Yes. Pubic hair. This night is a bust.

SNOWBALL EFFECT

My expiration date here at Cal is approximately less than 2 months away. Yet these last couple of weeks have been one wild roller coaster ride. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up. I'm down. Occasionally, there's a corkscrew. When did my life become more complicated than a soap opera?

... OF COURSE

I feel like I'm caught in a bad reoccuring nightmare. You are worse than a boomerbang. The farther I throw you, the quicker you come back! You'd think we would get tired of playing games after four years. But no, they just get worse. We are the epitome of a love/hate relationship. Don't do stupid things to make me jealous. We just end up hurting each other. Who else would you walk a mile for in the middle of the night? You know you care about me... much more than you'd like to admit. Stop with the silly facades. It's not about who has the upper-hand anymore. Don't ask me to travel across the country to visit you if you're not serious about us.

Ugh. I hate when people hype themselves up to look like heroes. True saints never talk about their good deeds. But their good deeds never go unnoticed.

OVER

It's hard to believe that everything is all coming to an end. I've given this institution four wonderful years of myself. I have done everything I ever set my heart out to do. I even dragged my sister into the whole mess.

It's hard to find the words to express how I feel. But I think what I'm getting at is that THIS is the end of a chapter in my life. I have to move on... tackle new challenges. I recognize that there are new things that I must improve on. Now I finally have the time. I'm not the same overly-ambitious kid that's out to conquer everything in her path. It's high-time I finally fine-tuned all the loose bolts.

Same story, verse 2....

Why are there expiration dates? Aidan and Big confuse me like none other, but I really wanted to believe that this Carrie would somehow end up with Aidan. I never expected any of this to happen. I was perfectly content with the way things were going. Then one crazy shot in the dark, and all my plans are now ruined. It's always bittersweet leaving Berkeley...

It's been two days and I've yet to have a craving for food. I think the last REAL meal I had was Saturday night. These last couple of days, I've been so sick and passed out on my death bed to even think about food. I've really been living off of saltine crackers, soup and blue Gatorade. It's very unorthodox for me to go for so long without food. Get this, even steak has no appeal to me!!!! What is going on with my body???

LET'S GO HIKING...

Caroline and I decided to get out today... since was the weather was a SORCHING 58 degrees. (Hey, in the Bay Area, that's pretty warm!) We explored around Lake Anza up at Tilden Park.











Since it rained last night, the ground was VERY muddy! We basically sloshed around and had a nice mud bath!

I always thought that Jupiter would be the perfect place for a date... now I know for sure.

22!!!

My roommates are THE BEST! Thanks for making this Old Maid feel not.so.old.


The Russell B clan, trying not to look drunk.


Now just the girls!


Don't forget about Elaine! Check out her beautiful hand on the left.


Pablo, Ryan and Rob on the balcony


GSI and me


Nate, Jessica, Nancy, Eric and me


I think they're having a good time!


Ryan and me


Pablo's boys


Damn, I'm lucky!


Of course Mark has his eyes closed.


Mark trying really hard to keep his eyes open.


Thanks roomie, you're the best!

FLASHBACK


(l to r: Mr. Terry, Mrs. Rodriguez, me, Mrs. Cortez)

This weekend marked the 32nd annual Berkeley Speech and Debate Invitational. It was four years ago this weekend, as two high school seniors walking past VLSB, that Gabbo and I truly embraced the notion of attending Berkeley for college... and four years later... here we are... on the verge of graduating.

BY THE NUMBERS

In an attempt to prolong the paper-writing process, I have decided to calculate my caloric intake over the past two days on just that wretched bag of Hershey's delicious goodness.

WARNING: The results may prove to be more gruesome than my bacon fat experiment.

There are approximately 9 serving sizes in the bag. Each serving size is about 9 pieces. Pablo so graciously helped me devour one whole serving... which leaves me with the following numbers:

Number of pieces: 72 (8 serving sizes!!)
Calories: 1840
Total Fat: 112 g (OMG, that's 176% of my daily intake allowed!)
Cholesterol: 80 mg
Sodium: 240 mg

According to my Nutri Sci 10 research.... I should be dead by now. :(

MY REFLEXIVITY ON MEAD

I've read so much George Herbert Mead in the past two days that I think my ears are dripping with Meadian theory. Mead talks about the combination of social experience and activity as the decisive factor for how we choose our actions. According to him, we think about what we're going to do, do what we're going to do, then think about what we just did. Mead's theory rests heavily on the fact that we all possess the ability to reflect upon our actions and see if they fall in tune with societal norms, hence the idea of reflexivity.

So here's my reflexivity on Mead... I think Mead is one vain mofo! His theory of the "self" relies on recognizing and embracing the "I" and the "me." Yep... the dude talks too much about himself. I'm over it. Just give me a Pass on this cruddy paper.

DRUNK OFF CHOCOLATE

I'm glad my vice isn't drinking... or else I'd probably be drunk all the time. Lately, I've had more than enough to worry about and it's killing my optimism. I've assimilated Gabbo's demeanor: walk around and look pissed off so nobody talks to you. Even the little things that used to make me happy don't make me happy anymore. (Yeah, not even Amy Grant.) As a result, I've resorted to enormous eating binges... without the purges...

Yup, just weighed myself. Two pounds heavier than yesterday.

I'm addicted. All the bad stuff that I used to refrain from are now the first things I reach for to feed my face. Hershey Kisses with Almonds. I went through a whole bag on Valentine's Day... and will probably go through another one today. I actually feel really sick because of the chocolate. (Drinking ridiculous amounts of coffee isn't helping.) But does that stop me? Nope. Times aren't good. I'll be a fat chick by the time this semester is over. For a change, today, I choose to be mean.

Back to square one... where it all started from. I guess that's how I like it... :)

FAT CHANCE, BUDDY

I have class with the girlfriend of Cal's most prominent Latino Republican. (Anybody that knows about campus politics knows who I'm talking about.) I used to think that the girlfriend was just an accessory to said Republican. (They're practically married and joined at the hip!) However, the more I get to know the girlfriend, the more I really like her. She says some of the most intuitive things in class... and I'm pretty sure this chica isn't a right-winger. In fact, I'd dare say that her ideas are fairly PROGRESSIVE! (Yeah, I'm pretty shocked myself, too.) Though we're slowly becoming good friends, I don't think I'm a good enough friend to slap some sense into her and ask, "What the f.ck are you doing with that f.cker?! You can do much better!"

It's not that I have anything against Republicans. But if you care enough about politics to actually understand what is going on with the current government and can express yourself in a coherent manner in class against Bush's policies, like my friend... how is it possible that you can love someone that stands on the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you believe in??? To go even one step further, the boyfriend has been known to speak out against his people and been one of the loudest hindrances to campus equality. If my friend shared the same politics as her boyfriend, I wouldn't really think anything of it. However, she doesn't!!! And that's what bothers me... she just goes along with whatever he says, regardless of what she actually believes.

When separated from her boyfriend, my friend shows strong tendencies of being a very independent woman. It's a shame that she doesn't always exemplify that persona. But then again, maybe that's her... and she enjoys being subservient to him. Either way, seeing them together just reaffirms what I want in a relationship. I need a guy that is just as liberal, if not more so, than me. Being the political junkie that I am, if I ever dated a Republican, we'd probably just run out of things to talk about... assuming I haven't choked him to death yet. :) But... we can still be friends. I'm not trying to discriminate, just telling the truth. I bet my Partner-in-Crime understands. (Have a safe flight, Gabbo!)

LET THERE BE LIGHT

We've been living in the dark for the past two weeks, but as of this afternoon, the Dark Ages are finally over! It all started with a STUPID $8.49 floor lamp from Target. Sounds too good to be true, right? Of course it is. After Pablo so handily put the lamp together, the unveiling proved to be quite disappointing. It managed to short-circuit only PARTS of the kitchen and the darker half of the living room... AFTER it sent a spark through the outlet that almost took Pablo's hand off.

Even though Russell B managed to get by quite smoothly with the help of candles and a particular Curious George (Pablo's flashlight...), I gotta put out a complaint about our landlords! I must have put in at least 10 calls in to them over the span of these two weeks, asking them to fix our lights. Each time, they've assured me that they were on it. Well, yesterday when I made my complaint for the upteenth time, nobody picked up. So I left a slightly hostile message claiming that with rent day coming up so soon (like tomorrow), if they continue to neglect to fix our electricity, we were going to withhold our rent for this month. I cited a breach of contract (I think it's in our contract somewhere...). Within a matter of minutes, I got a phone call back, this time from Rob, (a private electrician hired by our landlords since they couldn't fix it themselves) saying that he would come fix it the next available time I had. (Wow, this guy was accommodating to MY schedule???)

Needless to say, Rob fixed the electricity, so everything's all gravy again. But did it really need to come down to a threat of our rent check??? That's shady. But then again, Rob, a middle-aged balding man, may be the shadiest one of all. He kept staring at our infamous Christmas portrait of the OG Russell B roommates and commenting that we looked like a "fun and good-looking bunch". He then proceeded to invite himself over this Sunday for our SuperBowl party. (I had to correct him by telling him, "Sir, there is NO party!") The home visit ended with a, "Well, you have my cell phone number. Call me ANYTIME." EW.

I hate not seeing Kobe on the court... but perhaps there is a silver lining with him being sidelined. (Hahaha, I crack myself up!) I LOVE seeing Kobe all decked out!

SENIOR SLUMPS???

I don't know what's going on with me lately. I'm up. I'm down. I'm up and down. The past, the present and the future all seem to be lumped into one. I have strangely fulfilling and productive days; yet I come home with the worst feelings of emptiness each night. I thought only sophomores get the slumps. I'm a graduating senior. I shouldn't be going through slumps. What I SHOULD be doing is having the time of my life. Hell, I'm so set... I already know what I'm going to be doing for the next two years of my life. So why do I feel so bad? Oh yeah, that's right... my other half is currently in LA and headed for Madrid... no wonder. Gabbo, Berkeley's not the same without you. Now who's gonna be my voice of reason? Miss ya, girlie.

...and Caroline's birthday is off to a running start! At this rate, her birthday will far surpass MY last drunken birthday bash. (And we all remember how that one ended!)

Happy 22nd Birthday, Caroline!!!!