Words of advice: writing e-mails when I'm completely tired and pooped is a dangerous thing. Certain people may think I'm hitting on them, hence the, "I wish I can be more social, but right now, I need to be judicial." Might that be how we won? Hmmm...

THE ONLY MAN I CAN EVER COUNT ON

Yup, it's turning into an obsession. I look forward to those rare chance encounters where we share fleeting moments together. I wish we had more time to spend together, but it's just a shame that we both work so much. I hate that you make me wait for you all the time. You tell me it's part of the chase, but I'm done playing hard-to-get. This time, I want the real thing...

I DON'T WANT TO BE A DICTIONARY!!!

You're The Dictionary!
by Merriam-Webster

You're one of those know-it-all types, with an amazing amount of knowledge at your command. People really enjoy spending time with you in very short spurts, but hanging out with you for a long time tends to bore them. When folks really need an authority to refer to, however, you're the one they seek. You're an exceptional speller and very well organized.

Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

You're Vietnam!

After years of muddling through on your own, you've finally repaired yourself to a point of respectability. You would have been much better off had people you didn't like not kept insisting on spending so much time with you. But those times are fading quickly and these days you're pretty sure you won't get burned. Star power!

Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

A GIRL OF MANY HATS

In class today, I was asked to label myself. Asks my professor, "How do you identify yourself to others?" This is what I wrote down:

-Chief-of-Staff
-campaign manager
-defense attorney
-politician (ugh!)
-mom/teacher/mentor/eternal nag

Though I'm proud of the work I do, I'm too tired to give anymore. Mind you, my life is like living 5 full-time jobs! Which is probably why each night I come home so exhausted that I can't even say hello to my roommates before passing out on my bed, still fully clothed. I've been pulled in so many directions lately, when what I really need to do is go back to the basics. I need to stop pretending I can do it all.

This is who I want to be:
-roommate
-sister
-student
-friend
-understanding partner

There hasn't been anything that I CANNOT do, but I finally realize that there are some things I SHOULD NOT do if I am to be the type of person I want to be. And therein lies the conflict, I never want people to doubt my ability to conquer a task... and so here I go chasing after another challenge.

LOVE OR LUST?

It's definitely gotta be lust, right? I know you're so wrong for me. I can think of a dozen other guys better than you... but you always leave me wanting more. You say you like me, so what's the problem? Damn you for making me sweat you all the time. You know we could be so perfect, so stop being so DAMN SCARED. Yet again, chasing after the unattainable and untameable...

Just one of many pictures taken this break... my ladies know what I mean. I took this picture off Gabbo's site. This picture is only a preview of what is to come... meaning, how dark I'm going to get. And the madness begins...

By the way, Tony Reali is so hot! And super smart! Watch him everyday at 2pm on Around the Horn!

SACRAMENTO QUEENS

Lakers rule. 'Nuff said. I also met James Worthy last night. Was good.

This is turning out to be a very star-studded break. Last night, I do believe Caroline and I mingled with some former NFL players. Like we know the difference of one football player from another... but they did roll up in a beautifully stocked limo. (Ask us about NBA players. We know them all.) As for me... I've got basketball games lined up Wednesday (Lakers v. Kings), Friday (Lakers v. T-Wolves), Saturday (Clippers v. T-Wolves), and maybe Sunday (Lakers v. Jazz)! Staples Center, here I come!

SPRING BREAK!

I'm finally back at home... my much delayed trip back to LA. This year, I vow to have a spring break. No more campaigning... no more chalking... no more being locked up in Chi Phi from morning til night... no more being stuck in Berkeley.

THE DUALISM OF HUMAN NATURE

Remind me to go to class more often. Soc 1 - Introduction to Sociology. It's supposed to be an easy class. So easy, that I figured I never had to go. Leave it to the professor to editorialize and make up new terms and vocabulary words for concepts not covered in the reader! If I can pull through this class with a good grade, then sociology will definitely be my calling. Now I go back to reading about the difference between what is "sane" and what is "insane." Some believe that the line is so blurred that they are one and the same. Maybe I'm insane? Clinically depressed? (According to the statistics given by the Tang Center, almost all students at Berkeley, at one point or another experiences depression, but just doesn't realize it and know to treat it.)

And just for kicks... a wonderful quote by D.L. Rosenhan:

Whenever the ratio of what is known to what needs to be known approaches zero, we tend to invent "knowledge" and assume that we understand more than we actually do. We seem unable to acknowledge that we simply don't know.

Hmm... interesting...

BLAST TO THE PAST

I normally don't post song lyrics... but I revived some old songs today, and found this song more fitting than ever.

I thought that I knew about 'em
Thought that they would never do me wrong
Well well they smile in your face
When all the time they wanna take your place
Them backstabbers
Same old scene that
You've seen for so long
Always want to be around you
But as jealous as they come
Well don't want you to win that race
'Cause if you do it's gonna lessen their space
That's when I decide to say

Goodbye, goodbye
To all the fake people in my life
I never wanted you around me
So be on your way now
You better think twice
Before you let people in your life
Because when you put down
No one is around you
You got a case of the fake people
A case of the fake people

I thought that I new about 'em
The only ones that really care for me
Oh yeah
But they shouldn't be that way
Only down for as long as
You can give security
Same old scene that you've seen for so long
Always want to be around you
But as jealous as they come well
Don't want you to win that race
'Cause if you do it's gonna lessen their space
That's when I decide to say

Goodbye, goodbye
To all the fake people in my life
I never wanted you around me
So be on your way now
You better think twice
Before you let people in your life
Because when you put down
No one is around you
You got a case of the fake people
A case of the fake people

-TLC, Case of the Fake People

PICK-UP LINE OF THE WEEK:

This week's winner goes to the "transfer student" who won my heart with, "Wow, you look old!" Err... thanks?

"I'M GONNA BE A SUPERMODEL"

Who ever thought I'd actually be a runway model?! Bizarre... but Mengly made it happen for me tonight. Fashion For A Cause... sounds shallow, but I'd like to think it's not entirely so. All the proceeds went towards Room to Read. Hopefully Cambodia will soon have a new elementary school. And as for me, for one night, I looked "beautiful."

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL: A LEAP OF FAITH

At the risk of sounding like a new escapee from an insane asylum, I think I'm finally at a place where I'm mentally stable and almost at zen. My life still resembles a whirlwind tornado that provides little time to myself, but given all the trying moments of this week, I think I've done quite well for myself. I'm glad that I can go back to being the buttress for other people, instead of being the one in need of a prop. There's already too much misery in this world for me to get caught up in my bubble of perfection.

It also doesn't hurt that I have my own live-in shrink to help me sort out my life. How easily I forget what a tremendous confidant Miguel was for me back in high school. And though the boy has problems of his own, ones that I don't condone, he's always been there to slap some sense into me. He's dependable, trustworthy, and best of all, FREE!

All the "free" counseling has allowed for me to reflect on a lot of things... one of them being intimacy. I remember Juan once asked me, "Why are you so afraid of intimacy?" Indignantly, I shot back with, "I ain't afraid."

Now I know how wrong I was... based more on observations than past experiences (the soc major in me comes out), be it emotional or physical, the first shot at intimacy is damn scary. It makes us vulnerable. Intimacy forces us to present the other person with a gift - a gift filled with emotional attachments and the risk of letting go of any and all safety nets to catch us when we fall. It's a gift because we only do it when we finally find that special person that allows us to let go. Intimacy challenges and pushes us to emotions so deep that they take over conscious and coherent thinking. And when we do fall... we fall hard. Yet, somehow we find a way to stand up, but the time it takes to heal is indefinite. When all is said and done, we all really wanted the same thing. It's just too bad that we couldn't see things eye to eye to make it all work out in the end. It's very interesting to see the same plotline played out, but this time, with different characters. This time around, I see both sides, but I can't say that I empathize with both. If only we can all step back and see the other side, things wouldn't be so hard... they really don't have to be. Love is what holds us together, but it's also what tears us apart... 'Til then, I will wait for that all-consuming, don't-want-to-live-life-without-you love that we all somday hope to find.

GOOD MOMENTS OF THE DAY

-Standing on Sproul for 15 minutes and getting a bit of sun. Being able to pretend like I'm lounging when I really have a ton of work to do.

-Garnering respect in Senate and holding my ground, despite unruly people. Seeing what it REALLY means to mobilize and the power of a community.

-Seeing 4-D Stars in action and REALLY helping people, not like the lies that people tell about "wanting to make a difference," yet just doing things for their own personal gain. Seeing Brent with Alexis, age 12, was truly an inspirational experience for me. There are still good guys out there.

-Being able to sit with Gustavo and Karina over dinner and NOT talk about work. Story of the night: Gustavo and his big dog running into the jungle and getting shot at by big crazy drunks.

-Knowing that whatever people may say about me, at the end of the day, I'm still me, and I'm still the same person. Say what you will, but I know who I am, and I'm sticking to it.

People talk a lot of wack sh.t. Word to the wise: check yourself before you check me. If I'm the way I am, don't think you didn't have an influence on where I am today... be it good or bad.

*gasps* My sweet brother is good in volleyball??? When did THAT happen??? I didn't even know he KNEW how to play volleyball! But apparently, he might be bumped up to varsity cuz of the last game. My brother... the MVP of the game... go figure. What happened to basketball?

It must be a high school fantasy, cuz it's damn exciting! Everything about it screams "home" and nothing else compares.

Wow, this week was such a blur... after Tuesday's midterm, I have no idea what else happened, but I DO believe it was fairly good. Gabbo, I'm sticking to our pact and making good use of it!